Last night I prayed asking for His help to be more independent from Justin. Sometimes I'm finding myself to be so unreasonably angry or sad whenever Justin is away. So pathetic. I thought I was doing well, but I had a mini break the other night when I played one of his games on FB and saw an old sign he made about his ex, and ALL thoughts about her flooded my mind. For some reason, it's so hard for me to think of the past and actually put it behind me. I trust Justin more than anyone else and I know things are mega serious between us, yet I still get queasy and nauseated thinking about our ghosts.
This morning, he told me that Celestica let him go. This may mean that he'll move back to Hercules again soon, even though he doesn't have a room or a bed there. Plus there's the distance. It's over an hour away from here - more like 1.5 hrs probably. I feel so selfish wanting him to stay, but won't it be better for him? And then there's his trip to the Philippines. I was going to go with him this summer, and it was perfect how he got a job, too .. But with this new development, he's probably going to leave earlier. ANd if he goes before I end work, then there's no way or reason for me to go there alone.
I wonder if I brought this upon myself. I really do want to be more independent but am too scared/lazy/whatever. Maybe this will be good?
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